Written in the nebulous past of some time ago.
It's not what you think. I don't feel inside out. I just feel inside and it's other people that seem out. It's not an 'and' and it's not an 'or' or even a 'versus'. It just is.
I feel all sorts of crazy all on my own, but I gotta tell you, other people's crazy makes me not feel any saner. It's an unexpected feeling to have someone over-share their instability, insecurities, and neurosis with you and have you walking away wanting to go sit in a dark room all by yourself and listen to some really depressing Cat Power.
F*#$k you! I got my own insanity!
It's probably just me (that gets that feeling). It usually is. Well, I should say, I assume it's just me. Fortunately, I get the luxury, being me and all, of making those assumptions. Anyway, there isn't really a point. I'm just feeling very inside and curiously, others seem very sharing. Get over it people, share is not caring.
Do I really know that many unstable people? Are these people friends? Do they have to be?
Ultimately, I wonder, how can they share these things? Why can't I share my own feelings, what makes it easy for them? Is it even a release? Sharing doesn't seem to help me. The meaning is lost. There's no place for the thoughts or the feelings to go. And then I just feel alone and crazy.
